Down

Always downs... gotta live through 'em, and forget about 'em, and move on. Down at the moment is the feeling i'm training and trying to get "stronger" while the rest of our world is crumbling.

That's maybe a smidge over the top; but not by much, necessarily. I've gotta find another place to be. I don't know if that's just a job, or a move, or just what exactly, but my schedule has to change. She's going crazy. And i seem to have no control over any of that.

And i'm packing workouts into the cracks in the schedule.

And so every tiny thing that goes wrong, any little trough in what might be an upward-trending sine, and i feel crushed by failure-- like it's all a huge waste of time.

i guess this has been one of those weeks. I've actually seen some surprising upticks in my climbing-- even successes in my weight. But i've got off schedule by a bunch, and it squashes me. And that's stupid. It's not really the problem.

I just can't fix the real problem. Can't even quite figure out what it is.